The Paradox of Change
What if it rains? What if I left the stove on? What if the salmon in the fridge has already gone bad?
Anxiety tends to fill the empty spaces of our mind when life feels uncertain. Like a constant mental ping-pong match of 'what ifs,' it robs us of the simple joys right in front of us. You might recognize this pattern. One minute, you are enjoying a quiet walk on a beautiful day, noticing the smell of fresh grass and feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin. Next, your brain is hijacked by a rapid-fire list of worst-case scenarios.
I often tell my clients it is like being Dr. Strange from Marvel, obsessively scanning all possible outcomes, except without the magic of the time stone to guarantee a perfect ending. So, we spiral instead. Overthinking, predicting, and catastrophizing.
It is exhausting, is it not?
Why Fighting Anxiety Makes It Worse
One of the most frustrating parts of anxiety is not the anxiety itself, but the way we fight it. We get caught in a loop. First, the anxious thoughts. Then, the frustration at having those thoughts. Then, the exhaustion from trying to outrun them. By the end of the day, you are not enjoying the fact that things actually went fine. You are just relieved you survived the storm your mind created.
This is the pattern I see over and over. And it leaves us feeling powerless.
We become frustrated with our frustration. We judge ourselves for not feeling peaceful, confident, or grounded. We treat emotions like a problem to be solved, rather than an experience to be felt. And the more we resist, the louder they become.
A mentor once told me, "What we resist, persists." I could not agree more.
How We Pathologize Emotions
In graduate school, I was taught many theories and models to 'fix' emotions like anxiety. The framework was often about resolving, reducing, or eliminating these feelings. But over the years, as a practicing clinician, I have come to question this approach.
Maybe the problem is not the emotion itself. Maybe the problem is the way we try to battle it, rationalize it, or push it away.
We have been conditioned to view emotions like anxiety, fear, and frustration as something to get rid of. But what if these emotions are not the enemy? What if they are simply part of the human experience?
A Different Approach: Grace Over Control
Carl Rogers, whose philosophy deeply inspires my work at Eon Therapy, once said, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."
Instead of arguing with your emotions, what if you paused? Recognize the feeling first, without judgment. Notice what it feels like in your body. Breathe into it. Let it exist without trying to fix it.
I often tell my clients that the act of trying to solve the problem is exactly the problem. Next time anxiety shows up, instead of running, notice what it feels like in your body and what it sounds like in your mind. Give yourself permission to be human. It is natural to feel these emotions.
You may be surprised what shifts when you allow the feeling to exist, without rushing to reframe or rationalize it. And if the salmon does happen to go bad? I am sure you will find a creative and delicious backup plan. You always do.
If you would like to explore how to befriend your emotions instead of battling them, I welcome you to connect with me at Eon Therapy in Lakewood, Colorado.
